soul cleansing

I haven't written here in two days. I'm okay. The puter has been giving me problems and yesterday was my wedding anniversary. I spent just about all day with Margaret.

I'm worried about a few things. Three times in less than a week, I almost had a car accident. Two would have been my fault. Today a guy almost backed into me. I passed him and gave him a "what's up" wave of my hand...no finger.

I don't know why I did that, because everytime I get riddled with guilt. I always think he will track me down and assault me.

A few minutes ago a truck was in my driveway. I thought it was the guy from earlier. I went out to see what was going on. By the time I got out there he had sped away. It wasn't even the vehicle.

My mind plays out scenarios like that all the time. I read too much into things. I'm normally a patient man. I try to see the other's viewpoint.

Voices have been loud these last few days. For years I've tried to figure out what "triggers" the voices. I've thought that maybe my moods are responsible or that I was hearing a people's thoughts. I thought that sex was the reason. I first heard voices the first time I was with a girl.

Maybe guilt does it, or me doing stupid things. Or maybe my anger does the trick.

To this day I don't know. I really truly do not know. I have ways to stop them but they always come back.

I may never know. I do know that being proactive in my approach works.

Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,

Dave