My motto is "what goes into a mind comes out in a life." I am more thoughtful of what I allow into my mind.
I feel the urge to write. I don't have anything special to write. Just rambles. This makes my third blog on 3 sites. Just today!
In my effort to what's right, I went to church and now I'm in a addiction recovery group. I made an inventory of most of my wrongs, a list of things I've accomplished and a list of people I hurt.
Doing these lists has been hard.
My style of music has changed. No more ACDC, Boston, Foreigner, Guns N' Roses and the like. I now listen to Josh Groban, Celine Dion, Il Divo, Susan Boyle, etc. The calming music has calmed my mind. I can close my eyes and not see the flashes of lights like before. My thoughts are clearer. My actions are at ease. I have more compassion and empathy for others.
David
Monday, March 1, 2010
Monday, September 14, 2009
I messed up
I have a habit that I'm trying to curb and overcome. I lasted 4 days but gave in this morning. I know it will take time. I will be back on track.
Dave
Dave
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
the conflict
I've recently gone back to my church. I felt a strong sense of purpose to go back. It called me. For many months I heard the call and disregarded it or put it away in the far reaches of my mind. I am happy with this decision. I am not going back to "cure" my illness. I went back to get connected.
I tend to ignore what's important and what's the right thing. I have been an awful man my whole life. I don't want that distinction anymore. I want inner peace.
The elders were just here..Elder Ludlow and Elder Fredrickson. I am full of confusion ( I was confused before they came around). Not because of them but because of the message.
Goals I had none. I made a committment to do a couple of things. I now have two goals. I hope they turn into habits. I will make them my habits.
I am not the same man that joined the church years ago. I had conflictions back then as well. I fear that will happen this time too.
I have a pdoc appointment right now. I will post more later.
Dave
I tend to ignore what's important and what's the right thing. I have been an awful man my whole life. I don't want that distinction anymore. I want inner peace.
The elders were just here..Elder Ludlow and Elder Fredrickson. I am full of confusion ( I was confused before they came around). Not because of them but because of the message.
Goals I had none. I made a committment to do a couple of things. I now have two goals. I hope they turn into habits. I will make them my habits.
I am not the same man that joined the church years ago. I had conflictions back then as well. I fear that will happen this time too.
I have a pdoc appointment right now. I will post more later.
Dave
Monday, August 24, 2009
been awhlie
Its been a long time since I've written here. I have been busy writing on SzConnection. And another mental health site. My local newspaper blog is going well. I think I'm reaching some of the public. I have 27 recommends.
I am also helping a gentleman write his book. Its going quite well. I am also writing my book. (classic multitasker from my work days of yore.)
I have been thinking of going back to church for some time. I have a need to "connect.' Yesterday I finally went. There wasn't many I knew. The Bishop introduced himself as well as a woman. I shook several hands. One of the songs we sang was "How Great Thou Art." It brought tears to my eyes, in fact I was teary eyed the whole time. I didn't partake of the Bread and Water, I didn't feel worthy. After Sacrament I left in a hurry, I wasn't ready to socialize just yet.
There was member there looked like my grandfather. I saw him in Walmart a few weeks ago, and when I walked by him I said "you look just like my grandfather!" He asked if that was good. I said of course, grandpa was a great man.
Thursday Margaret and I were going down main street when a woman pulled out in front of me. I laid on the horn. She sped away. I stopped at a red light (which the lady ran), all of a sudden I got rear ended. I got out to see if there was any damage. I asked the guy if he was alright. He said "sorry man." He didn't even get out of his car. He acted like he was stoned or just woke up. Thankfully there wasn't any damage. Karma?
My daughter may be pregnant. I hope not. She can't even take care of Dylan.
I haven't heard from my son in a few days.
Today was ECT day. Since Thursday I've been in a "funky" mood...anxious, restless, angry. I knew I would feel better today. I kept telling myself all will be well on Monday. I am feeling really good. Have a headache but it will go away. My pdoc likes to push my buttons. He usually calls me "David G.' Today he called me David Dinkins. I don't let him get to me, he ain't worth the energy.
I'm gearing up for the Men Who Cook fundraiser on the 17th of September. Its gonna be a fun night out. I baking Red Velvet cookies and cupcakes.
I think I'm all written out.
Peace,
Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,
Dave
I am also helping a gentleman write his book. Its going quite well. I am also writing my book. (classic multitasker from my work days of yore.)
I have been thinking of going back to church for some time. I have a need to "connect.' Yesterday I finally went. There wasn't many I knew. The Bishop introduced himself as well as a woman. I shook several hands. One of the songs we sang was "How Great Thou Art." It brought tears to my eyes, in fact I was teary eyed the whole time. I didn't partake of the Bread and Water, I didn't feel worthy. After Sacrament I left in a hurry, I wasn't ready to socialize just yet.
There was member there looked like my grandfather. I saw him in Walmart a few weeks ago, and when I walked by him I said "you look just like my grandfather!" He asked if that was good. I said of course, grandpa was a great man.
Thursday Margaret and I were going down main street when a woman pulled out in front of me. I laid on the horn. She sped away. I stopped at a red light (which the lady ran), all of a sudden I got rear ended. I got out to see if there was any damage. I asked the guy if he was alright. He said "sorry man." He didn't even get out of his car. He acted like he was stoned or just woke up. Thankfully there wasn't any damage. Karma?
My daughter may be pregnant. I hope not. She can't even take care of Dylan.
I haven't heard from my son in a few days.
Today was ECT day. Since Thursday I've been in a "funky" mood...anxious, restless, angry. I knew I would feel better today. I kept telling myself all will be well on Monday. I am feeling really good. Have a headache but it will go away. My pdoc likes to push my buttons. He usually calls me "David G.' Today he called me David Dinkins. I don't let him get to me, he ain't worth the energy.
I'm gearing up for the Men Who Cook fundraiser on the 17th of September. Its gonna be a fun night out. I baking Red Velvet cookies and cupcakes.
I think I'm all written out.
Peace,
Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,
Dave
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The country memories
I've been listening to classic country music. This music is what we listened to on Sunday mornings. It brings back a flood of memories.
I started thinking of my grandfather. I weep for him. He was a great man. I loved him so much. I don't think I ever told him. He's been gone for many years. I still cry when I think of him.
When I was first sick, I cried alot. Grandpa picked up on it. Nobody else did. If they did they didn't care. Anyway, grandpa took me into the woods. He took leaf off of a tree and said God made this. He said that all of the woods God made. I found serenity in those woods. The quiet calmness. He told me " If you cry, you cry alone, laugh and the world will laugh with you."
That's why the woods were so important to me. I found sanctuary there. I miss my grandpa. He believed in me. When I was at the state hospital, he gave me his Bible. I was I still had it.
I have nothing but fond memories of my grandfather. He was tall, and bald and had wire rim glasses. I look alot like him. He held his head high. He was a proud man. Very distinguished. He was gentle but firm. He loved his God. I know he loved me.
I wish I were as good as he.
That's enough. I'm too emotional.
Live to be true, love with all your heart, laugh till you cry, learn that God is with you, listen to the stillness of the woods,
Dave
I started thinking of my grandfather. I weep for him. He was a great man. I loved him so much. I don't think I ever told him. He's been gone for many years. I still cry when I think of him.
When I was first sick, I cried alot. Grandpa picked up on it. Nobody else did. If they did they didn't care. Anyway, grandpa took me into the woods. He took leaf off of a tree and said God made this. He said that all of the woods God made. I found serenity in those woods. The quiet calmness. He told me " If you cry, you cry alone, laugh and the world will laugh with you."
That's why the woods were so important to me. I found sanctuary there. I miss my grandpa. He believed in me. When I was at the state hospital, he gave me his Bible. I was I still had it.
I have nothing but fond memories of my grandfather. He was tall, and bald and had wire rim glasses. I look alot like him. He held his head high. He was a proud man. Very distinguished. He was gentle but firm. He loved his God. I know he loved me.
I wish I were as good as he.
That's enough. I'm too emotional.
Live to be true, love with all your heart, laugh till you cry, learn that God is with you, listen to the stillness of the woods,
Dave
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The music plays on
James Taylor is singing "Fire and Rain." It is a welcome change from David Bowie singing "Space Oddity" on WDAVE radio. It also helps cover up Billy Mays yelling...although he still gets through.
"Hotel California" is up next. One of my favorite tunes from a beggone era of drugs and psychosis, and the revolving door at the state hospital. It brings back the memory of a stupid, careless youth. Thank God that era is over.
"Running on Empty" by Jackson Browne is the next selection. When I run on empty there's no joy in life. It isn't something I desire. It reminds me that I must fill my life with the knowledge of all that I can. It also gives me hope that I won't have to run alone or behind.
"Don't Stop Believin" by Journey. Tells me that " some my win and some may lose." I cannot help everyone. This I know. But I can help a few by extending my hand. I'm not a saint, I'm just a man that sees the sufferings and wants to do what I can to help.
"Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac is telling me that " thunder only happens when its rainin." This song reminds me of my brother Perry the beater. He likes Fleetwood Mac. It's a good song and the memory of the beater doesn't bother me.
One more. "Help is on the way."- The Little River Band. This song gives me hope that help is possible. It teaches me to be patient. It tells me to "look around and slow down."
Music always has been a big part of my life and who I am. It is my escape from the harsh realities of life. I still face life head on, but when it gets too much, I know that music will pull up away and soothe the savage beast.
Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,
Dave
"Hotel California" is up next. One of my favorite tunes from a beggone era of drugs and psychosis, and the revolving door at the state hospital. It brings back the memory of a stupid, careless youth. Thank God that era is over.
"Running on Empty" by Jackson Browne is the next selection. When I run on empty there's no joy in life. It isn't something I desire. It reminds me that I must fill my life with the knowledge of all that I can. It also gives me hope that I won't have to run alone or behind.
"Don't Stop Believin" by Journey. Tells me that " some my win and some may lose." I cannot help everyone. This I know. But I can help a few by extending my hand. I'm not a saint, I'm just a man that sees the sufferings and wants to do what I can to help.
"Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac is telling me that " thunder only happens when its rainin." This song reminds me of my brother Perry the beater. He likes Fleetwood Mac. It's a good song and the memory of the beater doesn't bother me.
One more. "Help is on the way."- The Little River Band. This song gives me hope that help is possible. It teaches me to be patient. It tells me to "look around and slow down."
Music always has been a big part of my life and who I am. It is my escape from the harsh realities of life. I still face life head on, but when it gets too much, I know that music will pull up away and soothe the savage beast.
Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,
Dave
Friday, June 12, 2009
The why of the fly
There is a fly as big as a 747 flying around the desk. I've been trying to catch it. My lightening flash reflexes are so flashy or fast. I don't know what I would do with it if I caught it.
Woke up without WDAVE radio playing. The voices are strong though. They've been a nuisance lately. I turned on some music to override em.
I feel good this morning. It's been a while since I wrote in this blog. I have written in the other sites I frequent. I received two comments on my local newspaper blog.
I sent my father a gift for Father's Day. He wrote this morning that he received and thanked me. He went on to say Happy Father's Day to me. That's cool. Thanks Dad.
Speaking of father, he never seems to amaze me. He and I email alot. Last year when he called about my aunt dying he was crying. He reaches out to me more than he ever did. Thinking of all the good I see in him is making my eyes well up. I'm happy that my dad is human and has feelings.
I managed to put the trellis together. Gonna put it where it goes today. We don't have any appointments until the 22nd. A whole week free. Cool!
Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,
Dave
Woke up without WDAVE radio playing. The voices are strong though. They've been a nuisance lately. I turned on some music to override em.
I feel good this morning. It's been a while since I wrote in this blog. I have written in the other sites I frequent. I received two comments on my local newspaper blog.
I sent my father a gift for Father's Day. He wrote this morning that he received and thanked me. He went on to say Happy Father's Day to me. That's cool. Thanks Dad.
Speaking of father, he never seems to amaze me. He and I email alot. Last year when he called about my aunt dying he was crying. He reaches out to me more than he ever did. Thinking of all the good I see in him is making my eyes well up. I'm happy that my dad is human and has feelings.
I managed to put the trellis together. Gonna put it where it goes today. We don't have any appointments until the 22nd. A whole week free. Cool!
Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,
Dave
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