foot in mouth!?!

Inserting your foot in your mouth isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's better to put your foot there to shut you up. Look before you leap is also a good thing at times. At least then you can decide where to put your foot.

Case in point. May 25th, 2009 around 2:30 pm, in the car driving home after a wonderful day.

Margaret and spent the day at a zoo, shopping , and our favorite Italian restaurant. On the way home I was talking about my dad in my usual way. ..bad talking. Anyway I was saying that I should write dad an email full of accusations and other things that I felt dad needs to know. It wasn't gonna be nice in any way.

Got home and I see that there one was new call on the caller ID. It was from my folks. I checked the answering machine (which doesn't give any answers by the way..lol!) and they had left a call. I thought it may have been mom. Nope it was dad. First time he ever left a message on the machine (see? there is hope ). He sounded like he was crying, like he did when Aunt Mary passed away. I thought something happened to mom. I called and asked what was wrong. Dad said nothing was wrong. He wanted me to know he was sending a package up.

He said the package was for my grandkids. He's sending them coin sets. They will be worth some money someday. I was flabbergasted. I thanked him and told him that I will give the coins to the kids. After the call ended and my foot was extracted from my mouth, I was floored.

Here I was bad-mouthing dad, and he does a random act of kindness towards my grandkids. What a fool I am!! I am so ashamed of myself. I thought that there wasn't any good left in dad.

I didn't question as to his motive. He wants to show his great-grandchildren that he cares.

Life often has thrown my a curve. I never expected this. I have learned my lesson. When dad is drunk he's a monster. Without alcohol he's a nice guy. Jekyll and Hyde.

In the midst of the mean vision I have of dad, that nice guy still is there. Will he anger me again? Yes, but in my reaction I will try to remember that dad does has good parts left. No second guessing.

I feel better writing this journal today. I thought about it alot yesterday. I had to express my selfish, childish behavior. I needed to get it out.

I know that I jump to early. I reacte too fast. I'm not always the smart one who has all the answers. There are so many things I need to learn. I am work in progress. Where am I gonna go from here? I dunno. I hope it's to a place where I have a better understanding of how life is. No fantasies or make believe worlds. The lesson learned is always a good experience.

A voice just told me that "no good can come from bad." I do not believe that. Good happens to all of us. Keep looking for that "silver lining." I am a better man today.

Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,

David