The bad turns into good

Last night I got the idea for the theme of this sharepost.

I always tell Margaret some of the things I did as a child. I say that I was a bad kid. Yes! I was!

In 1973 we moved from our little village into the extreme country. I hated it as soon as we moved. I still do hate that place, even though I haven't been there in years. I was pulled away from my friends and the place I loved the most.

After the move I started to get angry. It got worse as time went on. I was in the 5th grade, and fearful of my classmates. (The only sanctuary were the woods.) I was out of place from day one.
I had curly brown hair, acne and very shy. I made a few friends. As it turned out those friends were as bad as I was.

By the 9th grade I was into drugs, drinking, and acting up. My grades plummented in short order. I argued with anyone that would argue back. I know now the drugs were making me feel more out of place then ever. I skipped school on a regularly. I got suspended for three days once. I didn't care. The family surely didn't care so why should I? I ran away for two weeks. I stayed out late and partyed every chance I could.

Most of all I was angry. I acted out my anger, that's all I had. I used to say if we didn't argue there would have been no communciation. I wasn't supposed to feel. Emotions didn't exsit.

The thing I regret the most is that I stole money from my mom. Looking back I see how selfish that was.
When my 1st onset of psychosis in 1980, and my subsquent hospital stay ocurred, my life changed. In the hospital if you were angry they would put you in a "quiet" room. I never understood why they called it the"quiet room" because whoever got put in there would scream and yell until exhaustion kicked in.

I learned to control my anger. I was taught that it's okay to feel happy.

The moral of this story is that out of darkness I became the man I am today. Caring, kind, considerate, compassionate, empathic. I turned the corner on my spoiled kid days.

There is always a light at the end of a tunnel. Seeing your way through to the other side is a joyous occassion. Turn the dark into the light. It's easier to see that way.

Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,
Dave