I can still hear!

No this isn't an ad for Verizon wireless.

The voices are always with me and trouble me. I can push em out. I haven't been on top of that lately. I've been doing alot around the house. I finished the bench. The bridge is all assembled, it needs more water sealant. We bought a trellis for the monster rose rush. I have to put that together today. The Camry needs to be inspected. We have to drop it off at 8am. I also told them to change the oil.

The pool was warmer yesterday......68 degrees. Teddy, our monster dog jumped in with me 5 times.

Speaking of Teddy. We took the dogs to a park. As I was parking the car, I saw a dog in front of the car. It was Teddy! I looked at the side window, it was rolled down. He stepped on the button, rolled down the window and jumped out. It was a good thing we put a 15' lead on him. The window lock will be on from now on.

I know what's wrong with me. My shot is due on Wednesday. I always get "funky" a few days before the shot. I'm also worried about what to tell my pdoc about my fear of dying on the ECT table. I know nobody has ever died on the table, I don't wanna be the first.

I've slept more these last three days. It's because I overwork myself. I push too far and too hard. Am I becoming addicted to work? At least I haven't had a major anxiety attack.

My mind flows in circles. I will think of something for a bit then move onto something else. Then I go back to the original thought. It's a circle.

I worry that I repeat too much. I put alot of pressure on myself about what to write. Am I addicted to writing too?

I turned on some music. Music and journaling soothe my soul. If only for a time.

I quit alcohol, street drugs, and cigarettes. I have a great wife, a house with all the trimmings and two cars. I have a good pension. My bills are all paid on time. We have a nice nest egg. Yet I feel poorly. I feel useless despite all that I do. And I do alot.

Life doesn't suck. It just feels like I am not worthy of the things I want and need. I'm gonna tell my pdoc my secret wish. I will not reveal it here. Maybe that will liberate me.

When I reread that last line, my anxiety jumped. Just for a second.

I'm gonna post this. It took me two hours to finish this post.

Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,

David