4am. feeling blue, so why not bake a Blue cake?

Wide awake at 4 am. I like this time of day. It's quiet except for the drug dealer up the street. I watch cars go in and out of there every morning.

My ECT went well. My fear of dying on the table was unjustified. My anxiety was high when I first arrived at the hospital. I told the intake nurse my fear, who in turn told my pdoc, who then told me they have never lost anyone on the table. The other doctor has been cold ever since he asked why my insurnace won't pay the full amount. I was glib and told him that they ain't paying any of my doctor bills.

I got a comment on my newspaper blog. I was so thrilled. I don't get many on there. I think I scare em away.

Today I'm gonna bake a Blue Velvet Cake. Why not? I'm feeling blue.

Voices are strong right now. I just realized that WDAVE radio stopped playing, leaving a void that only the voices can fill.

Speaking of voices, no pun intended. I've been wondering if the severity of my voices really isn't that severe. Maybe they are voices attached to my thoughts. Memories. Maybe it's all in my head.

I had the pleasure of reading blogs of two people who heard voices and now they don't. Why do I still hear them? Maybe they ain't voices. They are, who am I trying to kid.

I have hope in many things. Voice cessation isn't one of em. I have heard them for 29 years..I know here he goes again with the time capsule..blah, blah, blah. Anyone can say the voices will disappear. Not me. I have been on almost every med out there, to no avail. I am currently on 5 meds. They help the psychosis but not the voices.

I'm bitter this morning. I read some things that disturbed me. Besides I don't whine that much.

Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,

David