The same ole story

I've written that I was given this illness (SZA) because I could handle it. Which in fact I have.

I've been homeless. I've been in a hospital for extended periods of time. I've been on alot of different meds. I've been married and divorced. Had my kids taken away. I've had many ECT's.

My life before SZA took hold, is kinda of a blur. I was an emotional child. I had friends and was fairly good in school. My home life was horrid. My father was angry at the way his father treated him, so he took it out on us.

I fought back. Not with fists, but with words. My dad dropped out of school, so I had one up on him. I would weave arguements that were based on facts.

Was I too mouthy? Dad said I was.. so did my brother Jeff. I couldn't stand the treatment we had to endure. So I spoke out. My mom didn't care or was too helpless. I asked my sister last year, why she didn't do anything to help. She said "I couldn't".

I'm writing this so I won't forget. My mind is slipping due to the ECT's. I have a good life. I have a wonderful wife. I had a good work history. I'm still functioning.

I could say that my life sucked. I won't. I'm in my 40's thinking I need to do more. I am a work in progress.

My life has new meaning. It's not all about the bad things. It's about a life filled with hope and aspirations.

If I am too look back and carry that guilt and shame, I will get sucked into the life I've left.

The day my SZA started my life changed. I was young when I made one of the most important decisions of my life. I decided to leave my family and stay here to get the help I needed.

I cope with my SZA. I was down. Down on my knees praying to a God I do not understand. I won't say anymore about that.

I don't hate my dad or the rest of them. They made their own way. I dread the way I could feel. I could say "poor me" I have SZA. I won't.

I push myself onward and forward. There's too many parking meters to walk into.

I need to fight. Fight this awful disease.

I am handling my SZA the best I can. I know there's more to it. I made a conscious decision to do whatever it takes to live a successful life.

Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,

David